Country Village

Back before children when we lived in Mukilteo, Dave and I visited Country Village to go to an advertised "pumpkin patch".  It was a couple of bales of hay with pumpkins on top.  We were disappointed to say the least.  Country Village consists of little shops that sell wares similar to what you would find at a bazaar.  Think potpourri and stumps of wood carved into animals.  I chalked Country Village up to a roadside stop for those traveling through Bothell and Kenmore and in dire need of caramel corn.

I met my friend, Sandra, when we were both pregnant and taking prenatal yoga.  Her daughter, Mandy is about a week younger than Linus.  When I worked  part-time last year, Linus spent his days with Sandra and Mandy.  Linus and Mandy forged a deep bond through the many hours spent together.  Today I ventured back to Country Village for the first time when we met up with Sandra and Mandy for a playdate.

Wood ducks, geese, and roosters will follow you en masse in hopes of scoring food.  Linus kept charging them screaming, "Shoo shoo go away!"  I tried to warn him that geese might fight back and to be careful.  We took refuge on the dock.

The playground was fairly impressive, boasting this pirate ship.  Everything is kind of worn, but I like that it is different from the usual stuff.  There was also a sport court with mini bikes to ride.

 One of the most exciting features is the train ride.  Eileen and I watched while Sandra rode with the kids.

Mandy cooperating for the camera.

Linus putting the moves on Mandy.

Mandy apparently didn't mind his advances and had plans for him...

It was probably a good thing these two had a chaperone during the train ride.

Nothing says romance like a little carousel ride.

We avoided the shops -- I didn't even get coffee!  Despite protests from Linus, we headed home after a full morning.  We promised ourselves that we might need to stop for a little caramel corn or chainsaw sculpture in the future, especially if it means spending time with a pretty girl :)

The Land of Make Believe

I live in the Land of Make Believe.  Everyday.  Every morning.  Every afternoon before dinner.  It is exhausting.  Luckily, it can be a nice place to visit.  Linus has a large box of costumes.  Combined with a vivid imagination and a bit of resourcefulness, our lives are readily transformed --often by the minute.

Builder Linus fixing his house.

Fireman Linus

Using a "hose" to put out poor Baby Eileen who is on fire.

Linus gave Eileen the hat so she could be a firefighter too.

Conductor on the Dinosaur Train

Eileen and I regularly must brave crocodiles, dinosaurs, lions, bears, turtles, and shark attacks as well as visits from Dr. Linus.   Linus has taken to introducing himself  in character, "Hello Mommy, I Fireman Linus.  Nice to meet you," and then shaking my hand.  We have yet to witness Linus introduce himself so formally in public. 

I hope Linus never loses his creativity, but I am glad for naptime when I get a break.

My Own Personal Mommy War

WARNING:  This is a very long post.

My battle began shortly after Linus was born.  I loved that little man intensely and couldn't imagine leaving him.  I enjoyed my time at home, yet I felt the pull of responsibility and a deep yearning to use other parts of my brain.  I spent 6 months agonizing whether to go back to work or not.  In the end, I decided to go back to work part time when Linus was 10 months old.  I was lucky enough to strike an amazing childcare arrangement with a mom friend.  Working part time, I enjoyed the perks of teaching with significantly less responsibility (no morning supervision, no homeroom, no staff meetings, etc).  Linus loved spending every day with his best friend, was well taken care of, and even learned German.  I don't regret my decision to work after Linus was born at all.

Working part-time, I was only making a profit of about $500.  Not much, but I enjoyed the work and it gave me a chance to keep my seniority while I figured out what I wanted to do. Apparently, getting pregnant and taking the year off again was my choice.  I have fully enjoyed my time at home thus far, days filled with trips to Starbucks, walks around Greenlake, playdates, Gymboree classes, and naps.  With summer rapidly approaching, I find myself again obsessing about the decision to return to work.  I realize I am very lucky that this is even a choice for me. 

Why Quit
If I choose to not go back next year, I can actually extend my childcare leave another year before deciding to give up my job.  I love being at home, I am more at peace with myself.  I love my children.  I love nurturing their physical, emotional, and intellectual growth.  They will only be little for a short time and I have rarely heard anyone regret staying home to be with their kids.

To say that teaching is stressful is an understatement.  Due to lack of funding, I often spend at least $500 of my own money on classroom materials.  I choose at this time to not get on my soapbox about high stakes testing.  Crazy parents only add to the difficulty of teaching.  I admit that at times I can be a little afraid for my safety as the amount of gang activity and violence increases.  Sometimes the more I am around my students, the more fearful I am for the future.  I pray to God that if I should ever be in a hospital, they are not the ones in charge of my healthcare.  The politics of education are ridiculously frustrating as well.

Looking at next year, I will need to somehow manage to get two children to daycare at 7 am.  I will pick them up around 3:30 pm.  I will still need to somehow fit in housework, cooking, and doctors appointments.  I would like to breastfeed Eileen until she is a year old or longer.  My teaching schedule is hardly conducive to pumping.  After the pay freeze and daycare costs, I may only again make a profit of about $500.  That's a lot of work for very little pay and an insane amount of stress.

Why Work
After all that, you must think I am crazy to go back to work. First, I am very good at my job.  I am a good teacher.  I make a difference in the lives of disadvantaged children and a positive contribution to the staff.  I like using other parts of my brain and having non "mommy" talk.  I am passionate about education.  It may seem dumb, but I would feel a little guilty backing out of daycare.  I got the kids into a really good daycare and have been holding their spots for 1.5 years.  I worry about the loss of my identity.  I fear being the stereotype of a stay at home mom.  I spent $45,000 on my education and will have nothing but student loans to show for it.  How will I validate myself?  Yes yes, I am a mom to two beautiful children, but I am more than that!

My biggest reason to work is finances.  My work provides really good health and dental insurance.  We have a big mortgage.  It is very stressful for Dave to be the sole breadwinner.  Substitute teaching isn't a good option because I would need on-call childcare.  Most substitute pools are currently full due to so many unemployed teachers.

I suppose it all comes down to FEAR. Fear of the unknown.  In my mind, if I quit, I need to stop for a long time and commit to raising my children.  I'm not done having children.  In this current economy, it may be impossible for me to get back in.  I am scared of trying to re-enter the workforce after a long absence.  I am scared of what if Dave and I can't make ends meet? What if Dave loses his job?  What if Dave and I break-up and I suddenly have to support myself (there is currently no danger of this)?  The fear of what-if is sometimes paralyzing.

I have big decisions to make. I never envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom.  I need to figure out who the patron saint of life changing decisions is and have a heart to heart.  Dave says he will support whatever I choose.  I am so torn.  Why does the cost of childcare have to equal my paycheck? 

6th Month Stats

Baby Eileen is now 6 months old.  She can now roll over (when she wants to) and sort of sit unassisted.  She hasn't had real food yet due to fear of allergies, but my goal is to introduce solids some time this week. Eileen absolutely loves jumping in the johnny jump-up and has a popped blister on her big toe to prove it.

Official 6 Month Stats

Weight             17 lbs 6 oz   75% 

Length              26 1/4 inches   75%

Head Circumference    17 1/4 inches      75-90%

Long story short,  Eileen is still big but is slowing down a little and she has a large head.  I kind of already knew about the head since her one size fits all hats are too small.

Baby Bear

her name is baby baby bear

she is a creature I found (yes I found)

her wild little eyes are wide cute and round (so round)

if I had endless days to spare

I'd spend them all with my baby bear

baby bear!

                      -- "Baby Bear " by Caspar Babypants

Linus has a new special friend.  Its name is Baby Bear.  We found Baby Bear hiding in a cave (aka large cardboard box that doubles as a soccer goal) with some other bears.  Baby Bear has been with us ever since.  

Baby Bear is invisible and is often carried cupped in both hands. Sometimes it is carried in a pocket if Mommy's hands are needed to help walk down stairs.  What I love most about Baby Bear is that it results in quiet, focused play.  Recently, Linus was getting a little out of control while waiting for food at Red Robin.  All I had to do was ask where Baby Bear was, and he magically appeared.  Linus then proceeded to play quietly with Baby Bear for the next 10 minutes until the food came.  Baby Bear has mastered the art of teleportation.  Frequently, Linus will suddenly ask where Baby Bear is.  I respond with where I last remember him being.  Then suddenly Linus can reach into his back pocket and BAM! --there is Baby Bear.  

Baby Bear is the antedote to a frustrated, sad, or bored toddler.  I hope Baby Bear decides he likes our house better than the cave where we found him.  This is one animal I am more than willing to let live at our house.

Seattle Babies Play Soccer

In case you did not know, Linus loves soccer.  Linus also wants Eileen to love it as much as he does.  This afternoon he announced that they were a soccer team.  Normally, Linus wants Eileen up and off the floor so that his soccer field is undisturbed.  Today he decided that it was high time for Eileen to learn and start playing with him.

I think soccer playing will soon be relegated as an outdoor only sport.

Cloth Diapering--One Week Later

I have been the owner of cloth diapers for a week now and am still using them. Part of me was a little worried the novelty would wear off and I would just slowly shift back to cloth.  I have even managed to bring them in the diaper bag with me.  This might not seem like a big deal, but it is hard to ease yourself off the comfort and ease of disposables.

Here are my thoughts at the moment:

• I am a big fan of the wet bag.  I love just unzipping the bottom and emptying it all into the washer without any mess.
• The bum genius are great. They really keep her dry and prevent leakage.  We've only had one minor leak versus daily leakage/explosions with the disposables.  Even after a long night, no leak. Her bottom is also less irritated.
• Air-drying the bum genius is a minor annoyance.
• I like the Kawaii diapers.  They are incredibly cute and can be thrown in the dryer.  I wish the snaps were a little simpler.
• Cloth diapers look cute under dresses, especially when paired with some baby legs leggings. 
• I need more than just the 12 I bought if I don't want to do diaper laundry every night and want to keep one or two in the diaper bag.
• I am still a sucky laundress.

Really, my only complaint is the laundry aspect.  They take longer.  More frustrating, I can't get the poop out without running the offending diapers at least 3x and with using dreft spray.  Currently, I first run the load on cold.  Then I run it a second time adding 1/4 the regular amount of detergent and using hot water.  I also do an extra rinse.  I was led to believe if I did all this, I would be golden.  Right now the only thing that is golden is a couple of diapers and inserts.  I'm frustrated. Also a little worried.  If I can't get them clean now, what about when Eileen starts solids in about two weeks?  I do not want to spend 4+ hours on one load of laundry.  I have other laundry to do.  I even have a little bit of life outside of laundry.  

I'm not going to let this stumbling block derail my venture into cloth diapering just yet.  I welcome insights into fixing this problem.  But I must admit, if I cannot get them clean, my cloth diapering days may be numbered.