Real Moms Wear Vomit

Dave and I went on a date last night.  It was fun.  What happened at 1 am was not.  We were awakened by the wails of Linus crying for Mommy.  As I entered the room, the overwhelming smell foretold what I was about to encounter -- Linus, in bed, covered in puke.  I immediately called for backup assistance.  This isn't our first time dealing with child puke.  We were pros and had Linus settled and the laundry running in about 10 minutes.  Gross and inconvenient but no big deal. 

And then Linus proceeded to puke two more times by 3 am and then was up for the day at 5:30 am and seeming no worse for the wear.  Needless to say, Dave and I did not get much sleep.  Luckily, we had decided to have Eileen sleep upstairs in the pack n' play to make things easier for the babysitter.  Eileen slept the whole night blissfully unaware of the drama. 

Linus was in good spirits and played all morning.  After Eileen's morning nap, I decided to go ahead and meet a friend for coffee.  Mama needed some serious coffee today.  We traveled to Starbucks at U Village, excited for the sun that was slowly emerging.  As we enjoyed conversation, mini-scones, milk, and coffee, Linus suddenly got a little sad and wanted to sit in my lap.  All of the sudden Linus' body shook and vomit erupted from his body and spewed all over my shirt.  I calmly placed Linus on the ground, like this was an every day occurrence.  As his feet touched the ground, Linus began to projectile vomit all over my lap, feet, himself, and floor.  The only thing that was really shocking was the fact that no one else in Starbucks seemed to notice.  Still I seemed un-phased.  I quietly sat Linus in a chair and began using burp cloths to wipe the vomit from my clothes.  My friend watched all of this in shock and then got an employee to help clean up and offered to go rinse off my vomit covered flip flops.  I then proceeded to take a few more sips of my triple grande skinny vanilla latte while soothing Linus and waiting for my flip flops to return. 

After the majority of the puke was cleaned up, my clothes soaked with vomit and stuck tightly to my body, I swept Linus into my arms, apologized to the barista and the man sitting next to us, and walked to the car.  I'm sure I would have been a hot mess if Eileen had also been crying, but she just sat happily in the stroller, playing with her feet.  Despite being covered in puke, Linus was actually more upset that we had to leave U Village.

I am proud of myself for remaining so zen during the whole ordeal.  As I breathed in the fumes from our clothes as we drove home, I thought to myself, there is nothing like being drenched in vomit and reeking to high heaven to make you feel like a real mom.

Lucky for me, Linus had only consumed light colored foods this morning.

Linus passed out on the drive home.