I had never encountered such a large group of people who treated one another so poorly and with so little regard, who took pleasure in one another's pain. It got to a point where I decided to take a break from the math curriculum to instead focus on teaching empathy. Needless to say, my attempt was not well received. While some students got it, others missed the point entirely, and two boys actually decided they were going to "teach me a lesson." The boys were shocked when my reaction to their lesson was tears and taking a few days off from school. After 9 months with these students, I had a new fear for the future of society. I made a solemn vow that I would not let my own not-yet-born children be like them. My own children would know and embrace empathy.
Fast forward about six years and I find myself living with a child who lacks empathy. It is horrifying to see how badly this child sometimes treats others and relishes pain and sadness they experience. In a word, yeah my kid is kind of an a--hole. There I said it. Luckily, said child reserves this less than pleasant attribute for home and is an angel at school. Unfortunately, his victims extend to not only his parents and siblings, but a few other relatives on my side of the family.
I do not want my own family to dislike my child or loathe being in his presence when he is in one of his moods, nor do I want to feel that way either. He has too many amazing qualities to be so narrowly defined. Thus I set about to teach empathy.
Teaching
empathy tip #8: Help kids develop a sense of morality that depends on
internal self-control, not on rewards or punishments - See more at:
http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html#sthash.5VWwx49Q.dpuf
The goal of teaching empathy should be to help kids develop a sense of morality that depends on self-control, not on rewards or punishments. I want him to choose to be loving and kind because it is the right thing to do, not because I will give him a bribe if he is good or send him to time out if he isn't.The school our kids go to uses Second Step to teach empathy. That in combination with the religious education is definitely a help. I bought the book, How Full is Your Bucket for Kids. I left it on the shelf and waited for the kids to discover it. The first time the kids were only quasi-interested. The second time they pulled the book off the shelf, I employed my teaching skills and asked questions as we read.
After reading the book together as a family before bed, we could see a heightened awareness by both kids. Empathy-lacking child seemed to be making a concerted effort to "fill people's buckets." I am hopeful we are on the right track. The book has given us language we can use with the kids to help remind them how to treat people.
We have guests coming this weekend. I'm thinking we might brainstorm with the kids some ways they can fill the buckets of their guests. And then maybe, just maybe, everyone will see my child's amazing qualities and not be distracted by his lack of empathy.
Teaching
empathy tip #8: Help kids develop a sense of morality that depends on
internal self-control, not on rewards or punishments
Kids are capable of being spontaneously helpful and sympathetic. But experimental studies have shown that kids become less likely to help others if they are given material rewards for doing so.
Other research has shown that kids are more likely to develop an internal sense of right and wrong if they are raised with authoritative , inductive discipline--an approach that emphasizes rational explanations and moral consequences, not arbitrary rules and heavy-handed punishments.
For instance, kids are more likely to internalize moral principles when their parents talk to them about how wrong-doing affects other people--inducing empathy and feelings of guilt (Hoffman and Saltzein 1967).
- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html#sthash.5VWwx49Q.dpuf
Kids are capable of being spontaneously helpful and sympathetic. But experimental studies have shown that kids become less likely to help others if they are given material rewards for doing so.
Other research has shown that kids are more likely to develop an internal sense of right and wrong if they are raised with authoritative , inductive discipline--an approach that emphasizes rational explanations and moral consequences, not arbitrary rules and heavy-handed punishments.
For instance, kids are more likely to internalize moral principles when their parents talk to them about how wrong-doing affects other people--inducing empathy and feelings of guilt (Hoffman and Saltzein 1967).
- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html#sthash.5VWwx49Q.dpuf
Teaching
empathy tip #8: Help kids develop a sense of morality that depends on
internal self-control, not on rewards or punishments
Kids are capable of being spontaneously helpful and sympathetic. But experimental studies have shown that kids become less likely to help others if they are given material rewards for doing so.
Other research has shown that kids are more likely to develop an internal sense of right and wrong if they are raised with authoritative , inductive discipline--an approach that emphasizes rational explanations and moral consequences, not arbitrary rules and heavy-handed punishments.
For instance, kids are more likely to internalize moral principles when their parents talk to them about how wrong-doing affects other people--inducing empathy and feelings of guilt (Hoffman and Saltzein 1967).
- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html#sthash.5VWwx49Q.dpuf
Kids are capable of being spontaneously helpful and sympathetic. But experimental studies have shown that kids become less likely to help others if they are given material rewards for doing so.
Other research has shown that kids are more likely to develop an internal sense of right and wrong if they are raised with authoritative , inductive discipline--an approach that emphasizes rational explanations and moral consequences, not arbitrary rules and heavy-handed punishments.
For instance, kids are more likely to internalize moral principles when their parents talk to them about how wrong-doing affects other people--inducing empathy and feelings of guilt (Hoffman and Saltzein 1967).
- See more at: http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html#sthash.5VWwx49Q.dpuf
Teaching
empathy tip #8: Help kids develop a sense of morality that depends on
internal self-control, not on rewards or punishments - See more at:
http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html#sthash.5VWwx49Q.dpuf
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