Facing Tomorrow

I hate politics.  Always have, always will.  I feel sick to my stomach right now.  My arms are shaking. I feel hopeless and lost like I never have before.  It's not like my candidate has always won, but this time is different.  This time it feels like the end of civilization in a way.

I really tried to keep my kids away from talk about the presidential candidates.  NPR has been absent from our morning radio.  I wouldn't let the kids watch as election results rolled in.  Before bed my eight year old asked if we would move to Canada.  I told him no, it wasn't that easy.  I hugged him.  I told him it would be okay.  But will it?

How will I go to school tomorrow and walk among adults (more than I realized judging by the voting) whose values are so different than mine? We are apparently electing someone who we know to lie, cheat, sexually assault women, insult people, and makes fun of those who he judges to be less valuable.  Someone who has vowed to break up families, break up marriages.

If this is the "Christian" candidate, does that mean that as a Christian I can now call people names, lie, cheat, and steal?  As a person in power (in terms of my relationship to my students) can I now belittle them if I don't like something they do.  Can I decide to only teach those I deem to be "winners?"  How can I expect children to believe me when I tell them that all people are worthy of dignity and respect if we just elected someone who so completely embodies the opposite.

This election is causing a seismic shift.  Instead of voting for people who held our values or voting for the most qualified, we have voted for someone who values himself above all others.  I can't imagine that any decisions he makes regarding the economy will be in the best interests of anyone, but himself.

"Conservatives" are in charge of the legislative branch, Trump is in charge of the executive and has the ability to nominate people to the judicial branch.  If there is no one in the system of checks and balances to look out for the needs of others, what will happen to our country?

I can only assume that the election of Trump will cause the stock market to tumble.  Dave and I were just planning a family vacation.  Now I'm second guessing that.  Maybe it's better now to just save our money, start doing with less in preparation for lean times ahead.

I have to wonder if this is the end of America as we know it.  My second grader is afraid he is going to die because Trump will start a war.  It breaks my heart to hear that.  I really did try to keep the election stuff away from him.  But this kid isn't dumb.  He understands that Trump is a volatile personality and that giving him power has serious ramifications.

So what happens now?  At my school, we were under strict instructions (as we should have been) to not talk about the candidates.  What happens now that the president is Trump?  Do we have a new policy that doesn't allow us to discuss current events ever until Trump is no longer in office?

So tomorrow.

Tomorrow  I will hug each of my children, tell them I love them and that they are people worthy of dignity and respect.  I will walk into my classroom (shaking, uneasy, slightly ill) and lead my class in prayer and pledge, we will make cards for Veterans, take a math test, and finish our science investigation.  I will make sure that my students understand that they too are worthy of dignity, love, and respect.

This election is different.  I get to examine who I truly am as a person and how to go forward.  If I'm honest with myself, I expect some of my relationships to change.  My frame of reference has been altered.

Tomorrow I'll go forward.  We all will, even as our nation slides back.  It's my turn to decide what role I'll play.  It's easy to condemn those who became Nazis under Hitler, who turned a blind eye toward the Holocaust, toward apartheid.  Will I be brave enough to speak?  Will I be brave enough to say no? Will I be brave enough to stand on the right side of history?

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.