Today Linus turned five. Dave and I are both in a bit of shock. Five seems so old. Linus is very excited to be five.
Linus, Pre-K
Linus at Five:
Loves Star Wars. He is mildly obsessed. I have learned more about Star Wars than I ever planned to. He can readily identify different kinds of clone troopers based on their helmets. He likes to stand on his head and pretend to use the force like Luke does while training with Yoda. His art mainly revolves around depictions of Star Wars.
A recent pic--alien bounty hunter and R2D2. Linus can also draw a pretty good Boba Fett but I couldn't find that picture to post.
Linus also loves Legos, math, science, bug hunting, weapons, reading, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, dessert, and Calvin and Hobbes. He still likes super heroes, but not nearly as much as Star Wars.
He dislikes Eileen touching his stuff, looking at him, copying him, or coming in his room. He also dislikes being told no or not getting his own way.
I love Linus for all his stubbornness and grumpy moods. His maddening behaviors make me a better mom and keep me humble. I also love Linus for his thoughtfulness, snuggles, creativity, and sense of adventure.
We pretty much treated today like a regular day. I swear he will get a birthday party one of these years. While he was away at school, I decorated in a Lego Star Wars theme. He was super excited when he came home and saw it. Dinner was Kraft mac n' cheese by request. We found Halloween ones which made it extra special. Apparently, the library heard it was his birthday and the video of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones finally came in (I reserved it a while ago).
It was a Star Wars Lego kind of birthday. FYI, Eileen is only pretending to pick her nose. Stinker.
Linus learned about ice cream cakes and requested one. There are no Dairy Queens in the city of Seattle and the nearest Baskin and Robbin closed. We had to go with Ben and Jerry's. I "suffered" through eating a cookie dough, brownie, and cookies and cream cake.
Eileen is patiently waiting for her birthday in two weeks.
Explaining we need to also sing the "May the dear Lord bless you" verse.
Yesterday was my birthday. As a kid I loved having a fall birthday (still do)--the crisp fall air, bright colored leaves, smells of pumpkin, apples, and cinnamon. It made it all seem special. Every year I looked forward to the cool new outfit I knew my grandparents would be sending in the mail. I fantasized about what presents I might receive and always ran home quickly after school so as to take in the freshly baked cake smell that would be wafting through the house. Ahh childhood.
As an adult my fantasy gift is no longer a new game for my 8 bit Nintendo. I dream about sleep and zero responsibility. I am happy to report that I received both this year. The night before my parents came up, watched the kids while I napped, and cooked me one of my favorite dinners from childhood. On my birthday morning Robin and I slept in while Dave and the kids went and got me a latte and pumpkin bread. I sipped my latte in bed and read a book. Several hours later I slowly emerged from the bedroom.
We are friends with Linus' former preschool teacher, Tricia. Tricia and her family (they are an amazing family) have a big apple day every year where they make apple cider. This sounded like a lovely way to spend the late morning.
The cider we made is very yummy.
We returned home where naps were had. I rested blissfully on the couch, snuggling Robin, watching a movie. I did eventually fall asleep.
Robin finds having his lovey on his head very calming.
Linus made sure I was properly celebrated and had Dave buy balloons to decorate the whole house and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I apparently also really needed a small Seattle snow globe. Linus also gave me another amazing gift. I was dreading going to the pumpkin patch this year. I just did not want to do it--lack of energy, mud, a teeny tiny baby. It did not sound like fun. Unprompted, Linus suggested we just buy pumpkins at the store this year instead of going to the pumpkin patch. YESSS!!!!
It's amazing how much your expectations and desires change as an adult where the greatest gift you can receive is being told you can take a nap or you hope beyond hope that Santa brings you new socks and underwear. My birthday was just what I needed--lots of rest, snuggles, and yumminess. Maybe next year (when I am not two weeks post partum) I will feel like doing something bigger. In the meantime I believe there is leftover cake calling me from the refrigerator.
First of all I would like to say that breastfeeding is the absolute hardest thing I ever learned to do. It was harder than learning to read, doing long division with double and triple digit divisors, and simplifying polynomials combined. If you have never had the experience of breastfeeding, I hope that gives you some idea of just how tear inducing and frustrating learning to breastfeed successfully can be. Yes, women have been doing it for thousands of years and women's bodies were designed to feed babies, but dammit it is not an intuitive process.
I remember the first time I attempted to breastfeed Linus shortly after his birth. The nurse was there and I was like, "Um, okay. What do I do?" The nurse made it look easy. Of course, you take your baby home, you are by yourself, and suddenly it all seems impossible. The baby won't latch. If he does, all you want to do is scream every four letter word you know because of the pain. Then your nipples crack and bleed. You suddenly become skittish around your baby and dread the moment he starts to bob his head against you, indicating he would like another attempt at torturing you. Does this sound familiar to anyone? And lets remember, this creature does not even have teeth yet. Linus was advanced in this department and drew blood when he got his first tooth at two months. You quickly learn to identify the look in your baby's eyes that signals a bite is coming.
Lots of women struggle to produce enough milk to feed their babies and wrestle with the guilt of formula supplementation. Luckily, there are support groups for breastfeeding. After my first time at a breastfeeding support group, I quickly realized I could never go again. As much as I appreciated help from the lactation consultant and the camaraderie of women, I could not handle my guilty feelings nor the evil eyes cast my way. You see I am "blessed" with a different problem. I overproduce milk, and not just a little. My record is 9 ounces from one breast (most women might struggle to achieve this between feeding off of both). Yeah, "lucky you" you might think until the reality sets in. Think massively engorged breasts that burn constantly with pain. I look like someone let a 14-year old boy loose on photoshop. Breasts that prevent you from moving or sitting up due to pain, that leak constantly. Each time your milk lets down, hot searing burning pain rushes down your chest. And then because your baby with a stomach the size of a marble cannot possibly consume that much milk, you are left full and know that you won't get to feed off that breast for at least 4 hours, and maybe even 6 or more. As your milk lets down, your baby gags and chokes due to the shear force. You can't pump because that only tells your body to make more milk. Instead you sit, crying in pain, and watch the clock (because you can't look at or think about your baby or your milk will let down) with your nursing bra stuffed full of cabbages leaves. This is my life.
But this post is not meant to complain, but inform. Over the course of three babies I have learned a lot about breastfeeding. First I wanted to mention the brand new Lytle Center for Pregnancy and Newborns at Swedish Hospital. This is a great community resource for new moms and babies. I spent quite a bit of time with a lactation consultant when breastfeeding Linus. I learned a lot about reducing supply. If you are like me, here are a few things to try:
Block feeding schedule (not always recommended). Basically, you put your breasts on a schedule and only nurse on one side for four hours no matter what. The downside to this method is that I found it resulted in a lot of blocked ducts.
Cabbage leaves on breasts--gently cools and soothes sore breasts and nipples while drawing out milk. Warning: do not go out in public with cabbage on breasts. Cabbage leaves are a poor replacement for nursing pads.
I mentioned previously that Eileen was tongue tied. To have her tongue clipped, I was referred to Dr. Mary Ann O'Hara. I am lucky to live in a city that has a doctor who specializes in breastfeeding issues. When I suspected that Robin was tongue tied the lactation consultant at the hospital made sure I left the hospital with an appointment to see Dr. O'Hara. Dr. O'Hara found that not only was Robin tongue-tied but seemed to be suffering the residual effects of having a cord wrapped around his neck. His jaw and facial muscles were all very tight. She scheduled an appointment with us again for a few days later to check his clipping, do some massage work on Robin, and also address my oversupply issue.
My second appointment with her on Monday was a learning experience. It was 3 hours long. Robin loved his massage and it definitely helped with his nursing. Then it was my turn. Not only was I engorged and in excrutiating pain, but I noticed I seemed to be unable to pump effectively and one breast just seemed like it could barely empty. Dr. O'Hara found that I did not have a blocked duct, but rather blocked nipples. In case you were unaware, milk does not spray from one hole, but more like six. Four of mine were blocked. The doctor very gently did a massage and slowly unblocked me for which I am eternally grateful.
The doctor then referred me for physical therapy. Who knew right? Today Robin and I went to physical therapy for Lymphatic Drainage Massage. The thought is that some of the chronic blockage I experience is in part due to a build up of other fluid. In addition to a massage of the tissue surrounding the breast, ultrasound is used as well to direct an electrical current. It was kind of cool. Robin cooperated and slept the whole time. The physical therapist showed me how to massage my own breast to help flow. First, gently massage the way back of your breast, the part that's basically in your armpit. Then moving around the breast like spokes of a bicycle, gentle stroke backwards away from the nipple. She also advised that when hand expressing, to be sure to gently massage the breast versus trying to just do a hard squeeze because that can just make things worse. I get to go back for several more therapy appointments, but I am really excited about the prospect of having a more pleasant breastfeeding experience.
I am not a lactivist. Women need to do what they need to do to feed their babies and help them thrive. I merely want to inform and support. Another great resource for breastfeeding is kellymom.com. If you are at the mall and need to nurse, find a Nordstrom store. The women's bathroom has a separate nursing room. At U Village, Kids Club (the toy store/hair cut place) has a room in back with a rocking chair and toys for your toddler so you can nurse in privacy and not in a bathroom.
If you are new to the world of breastfeeding, I want to assure you that it does get easier. You learn to nurse without killing your back and neck, breastfeeding in the dark becomes less of an obstacle, nursing in public stops being a sweat inducing experience. At this point, I am finding that I can nurse in front of just about anybody and not care. It's a lot like that Luvs Diaper commercial.
Baby Robin is now a whole week old. I feel like time is already flying by me. He is up to a whole six pounds. As much as I LOVE tiny babies, it's nice to see him filling out a little bit. It's been a busy week for sure and I am grateful that Dave is taking two weeks off from work.
Becoming a mom for the third time is a far cry from the first. I know what to expect to some degree, am able to anticipate problems, set better boundaries, we sort of know what we are doing, and I am more proactive when things aren't okay. It has also helped that this birth was significantly less traumatic than the first--physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I knew within two nursing sessions that Robin was tongue-tied (Eileen was tongue-tied). I left the hospital with an appointment the next day to see the special breastfeeding doctor. With Eileen, I suffered for two weeks before seeking help. That ended up being a rough day for Robin, he got his tongue clipped in the morning and had to have a bilirubin test in the afternoon.
Back at home, the kids have started sleeping in later than 5-6 AM. Young children are like roosters and get up with the sun. Eileen pretty much ignores Robin. She has very little interest in him which has been a bit of a surprise. What I love is that she has taken to calling him, "Robin Hoodie." Linus is in love. He holds Robin every chance he gets. Already he has taken it upon himself to teach Robin about the finer things in life, like Legos.
I am really trying to take advantage of the whole "lying in" thing. I love spending hours just snuggled with Robin in bed. Dave bought me a television for our bedroom so I could heal in luxury. It's hard to pull back and not try to get stuff done. I've definitely over done it a few times.
Things we know about Robin thus far:
He likes sleeping, nursing, Mama, Daddy, Linus, his bunny lovey, soft things, being snuggled. He is very good at peeing on Daddy and himself during diaper changes. He prefers to sleep in bed with us versus his co-sleeper.
He dislikes poopy diapers, darkness, baths, being in a state of undress, diaper changes, being away from Mama for too long.
The Week in Pictures (prepare for cuteness overload)
Aunt Sally
First Bath. Robin didn't get a bath at the hospital because they didn't want him getting too cold. Good thing he has a Daddy and siblings to take care of things.
Eileen was less impressed.
very proud big brother
grandpa
serious grandpa, I know I will treasure this picture some day
A frequent sight. I can now use holding Robin as a bribe to get him to do things.
Cousin Dylan. The Rousseau family came and stayed with us for the weekend.
Turns out he likes to suck his fingers just like his mama did.
a baby blue kind of day
grandma gail
must. shove. every. finger. in. mouth.
he likes to pose
he even poses during burp sessions
brothers
evening nap after an exhausting walk around the block
Choosing a name for our baby boy was unexpectedly difficult. Dave had a list, I had a list. Names moved off and on the list. We did not really talk about it because we didn't really like each other's list and there just wasn't a lot of movement. I don't think either one of us even had a name that we were passionate about, except to be against. I am sure our choice of Robin came as a big surprise, it was to us.
Robin was the dark horse name. It was on my list early on and then was removed. It was only added shortly again before our weekend away in July when we chose a name. The name was chosen over the course of about 3 meals. I had really thought he would have Francis as a part of his name, but with the new pope being named Francis, I feared it was going to become too popular and it was suddenly a little bit too religious for Dave.
There was a lot of reasoning out of names. What was important to us in a name. Eventually, Dave agreed that we should name he either Alistair (my first choice) or Robin (also from my list). The only hesitation was that Robin is also a girl's name, but I am determined to help reclaim it for boys. It's funny. I could actually sense the moment that Robin became Dave's top choice. We were listing songs about Robin--Rockin' Robin, Red Red Robin, Robin in the Rain--when I pulled out "Brave Brave Sir Robin" from Monty Python Holy Grail. Suddenly, Dave was sold and our baby was named Robin. We settled on Patrick as a middle name. It's a good Irish Catholic name.
In case you were wondering, there are many famous males named Robin:
Robin Hood
Robin, the Boy Wonder (Batman)
Christopher Robin
Robin Williams
Robin Thicke -- if he wasn't suddenly at the top of the charts with "Blurred Lines," I am sure this would have seemed like a more obscure reference.
Technically, the character of Robin on How I Met Your Mother is a boy's name. Her father always wanted a son and named her Robin Charles Sherbatsky, Jr. So there.
About two weeks ago I let Dave know I still liked Francis for a middle name and left it at that. Two years ago when we were driving to the hospital to have Eileen, Dave changed his mind on what Eileen's middle name should be. As we pulled into the parking garage of the hospital this time, Dave turns to me and says, "So how about Francis?" I was surprised and just had to laugh since history was repeating itself. I truly believe Francis is a much better fit and almost can't believe we chose Patrick (it's a great name but it's not supposed to be Robin's middle name).
We are reclaiming Robin as a boy's name. What I like best about the name Robin for a boy is the immediate sweetness and warm memories it evokes in relation to Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh, Robin Hood and childhood. It's a perfect fit for my little man.
My pregnancy journey has finally come to an end. My doctor came back from France on Sunday. This sent me into sort of a zen state. I finally felt incredibly calm. I knew the pregnancy was ending in the next few days. Before he left for vacation, it was decided that due to restricted growth, I would attempt to reach my due date and then would be induced.
On my due date, I went into the doctor and it was decided that induction would happen the next day early in the morning. The receptionists cheered for me as I left the office. I was only 2 cm dilated and not at all effaced so the induction would start with using misoprostal. The doctor told me to not to expect to start pitocin until night. I was given misoprostal at 8:30 AM. Dave and I spent the morning napping, watching a movie, and playing Phase 10. At noon, I had progressed to 3 cm but was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. This meant that not only did I not need another dose of misoprostal, but I didn't need pitocin either. I would just like to say the labor is definitely easier to manage without pitocin. Our doula, Jennifer, showed up around 2 pm. Contractions were still totally manageable until about 4 pm. Everyone was in really good spirits throughout the day.
At 4 pm I was laying across a yoga ball and refusing to move due to requiring effort. I announced my grand plan to Dave and the doula--at 4:40 pm I would go to the bathroom, when I came out, I would stand up, my water would break, and then I would go labor in the tub. After which I would get an epidural. That is exactly what happened!!! I went to the bathroom, came out, stood there, and at 4:45 my water broke. I am AWESOME!!!!
The tub was great. My doctor checked me at 5:30 and I was 4 cm. It was a little disheartening to hear so little progress after 5 hours. Suddenly, around 6 pm I was in excrutiating pain so I ordered the epidural. By the time we were back in the room and the epidural was in, it was 7 pm. I had barely laid down on the bed and the nurses were telling me I would feel the full effect in a little while, that I started feeling the need to push. Apparently, all that pain was transitioning from 4 to 10 cm very rapidly. The nurses looked and the baby was ready to come out.
This baby has shown a flair for creating drama during this pregnancy and decided to have one more surprise up his sleeve. Every time I pushed, the baby's heart rate fell to 60. Of course no one told me this but instead the nurse and doula started flipping me from side to side. I then heard someone say to get oxygen. My eyes had been closed while I focused on breathing/pushing. Panicked, I looked up and saw the vacuum in the doctor's hands and everyone watching the monitors intensely. I realized I really needed to get that baby out and gave it another good set of pushes.
After a total of 13 minutes and 3 sets of pushes (a far cry from the 2 and 1 hour pushing I did with the other two kids), the baby was out. The cord was wrapped around the neck and his body. They put him on my chest right way but had to take him and revive him a little bit. Luckily, the baby quickly responded. I cried lots of tears of joy. The baby had a little trouble with body temperature so he got to have extra hats and blankets.
The labor was really great. There were lots of laughs throughout the whole experience (except for the part where I was pushing). We had an amazing birth team of our doula, doctor, and nurses. I feel very lucky. Robin Francis was born on Wednesday, October 2 at 7:33 pm. He was 5 pounds 14 oz and 19 inches long. He is beautiful and I don't know if I have ever been more in love.
***on the issue of IURG (interuterine restricted growth). Robin's placenta was small, but did not show ill effects from the hemorrhage earlier in the pregnancy. The cord was very thin. These factors, in combination with the cord being wrapped around him, are thought to have contributed to his restricted growth. Robin basically stopped growing around 34 weeks, but probably had been struggling for a little while.
My mom watched the kids while we were at the hospital and brought them in the next morning to meet their new brother. Linus is head over heels in love. Eileen is fairly ambivalent about the baby.
We can't thank all the people who helped and supported us throughout the pregnancy and for all the prayers we received as Robin gave us a few scares. We completely welcome visitors to meet the new baby (as long as you aren't sick). I just ask that you bring food :)
