34 Weeks

As of yesterday I am 34 weeks pregnant.  I am relieved to have made it this far.  We survived a subchorionic hemorrhage and preterm labor.  I definitely feel very pregnant.  I am uncomfortable and exhausted.  The good news is I appear to be healthy.

I don't tend to do a lot of selfies.

At my check up today I had a nice low blood pressure, the baby was growing right on schedule, and his heart rate sounded good.  I've gained 26 pounds thus far.  I am right on track.  Great right?  The appointment was going swimmingly and then my doctor dropped a bombshell on me.  My doctor was gone for a two week vacation in July.  No big deal.  What he neglected to tell me until today is that he is actually going on another two week vacation starting about two weeks before my due date, returning one day before.  He will be in France.  Not just another city or state or country, another continent!!

I am none too pleased.  He tried to make it seem like it wasn't that big a deal.  My two previous babies were born 11 days late and 4 days late respectively.  I feel like I am in my own little version of "Knocked Up."  I take choosing doctors very seriously.  My ob is also my regular doctor and the kids' doctor.  I chose someone who I felt would support my birth choices.  Birth is a very intimate and personal experience.  I don't want to suddenly have to build a relationship with someone the last two weeks of my pregnancy, or worse, have someone I have never met deliver my baby.

After my appointment, I made it back to my car before bursting into tears.  During the drive home, I stopped by the french bakery and consumed multiple pastries.

I am so mad/frustrated right now and feeling a bit betrayed.  This pregnancy has been so stressful and not just due to health scares.  I have been just barely holding on at times.  Right now our home is not even ready for the baby.  One of things that has been getting me through is knowing that no mattered what happened, I had my birth team in place.  A carefully selected group of people who would be there to support the baby and me.  With that up in the air, I'm kind of crumbling.

Anyone who tries to tell me that everything is going to work out, that no matter what happens things will be fine, God's plan, etc, runs the risk of bodily harm right now.  This pregnant lady has earned the right to be upset.

I don't think any woman has prayed as hard as I am right now that a baby comes late.  I am pretty sure my doctor won't do a non-medically necessary cerclage so it is time to do some research on how to delay the onset of labor.