A Battle of Wills

I am currently engaged in a battle of wills with Linus.  I don't think he realizes who he is up against.  My stubborness is legendary.

As a child I truly believed that I knew what was best in any given situation and that life would be a lot better if everyone would just listen to me (the apple has not fallen far from the tree).  I regularly challenged my parents and prided my ability to outlast anyone.  I happily called their bluffs.

Obviously, this was not in anyone's best interests.  When I was nine years old I took it one step too far.  My older sister had a softball game at Bellarmine and my younger sister had a tee ball game at the same time elsewhere.  My parents decided I was to go with my mom to the softball game.  This was not what I wanted.  My protests were ignored, so I plotted. 

As we drove the three miles to Bellarmine, I carefully watched the route.  When we arrived, I refused to exit our van.  Not interested in arguing, my mom left me in the car and walked to the ballfield.  I waited about 5 minutes, opened the door, looked to see if the coast was clear, hopped out, and proceeded to walk home.

It never occurred to me how dangerous this might be.  I did not know about child molesters.  The thing I was most afraid of was encountering a dog since I'm scared of animals.  I safely arrived home.  My dad and younger sister got there shortly after.  I was quietly talking to my sister, slowly realizing the seriousness of the situation, when the phone rang.  My mother was on the phone in a panic (this was before cell phones obviously).

While I was walking home, my mom had returned to the van to find me vanished without a trace.  To my understanding the entire softball team began calling my name and looking for me.  Police were called.  Needless to say, I was punished.

Only now as a parent can I appreciate how scared my mother must have been.  I share this little story to illustrate just how stubborn I was.  During the two weeks of punishment I earned for this episode,  I was not mad.  I knew what I did was wrong.  I completed all the extra chores with silent satisfaction.  I had won.  I had shown them.  I thought, "Well, maybe next time they will listen to me."

As an adult, I can reflect and have not forgotten what my mindset was as a child.  I was determined to be in charge.  Now that I have a family of my own, I'm am not about to cede control to a five year old. 

I am firmly against corporal punishment.  I will never forgive myself if I ever slap or spank one of my children.  I still run a tight ship.  Rules and expectations for behavior are clear. I know that if I do not hold my kids accountable, setting clear limits and boundaries now, life will be even more difficult as the kids get older.  Linus tests my resolve on a daily basis.  The past two weeks have been insanely challenging with him.  I blame the change in weather.  It's suddenly sunny.  It's fun to play outdoors, especially with the neighborhood boys.

His current preferred method of defiance is to "run away."  It is infuriating, mostly because he does it when we are trying to get ready to leave the house or do something.  It is also amusing because of what Linus chooses to pack.  During his most recent attempt, he grabbed a tote bag and packed: a toothbrush and toothpaste, stethescope, and children's bible.  No money, no clothes, no food (usually he throws in a pair of underwear).  After packing, he walks out the front door and stands on the front porch. 

This morning I could take it no longer.  After a morning spent with a defiant, argumentative child, I grounded him.  A parenting first for me.  I explained what grounding meant.  No tee ball, no playing with the neighbors, no screen time, no going any place fun.  To say he was displeased was an understatement.  I let him know that he was grounded until I was satisfied that an attitude adjustment had been made. 

The grounding seems to be effective thus far.  He is working hard to be polite, helpful, and compliant.  He forgot the neighbor boys are on vacation and there is no tee ball next week because of spring break in the Seattle schools.  Like I said,  he does not realize who he is up against.