So Over It and So Close

I am 38 weeks pregnant today.  It's been a roller coaster of a week.  At my appointment last week we learned I had not gained weight, my blood pressure was up, the baby had not grown, and his heart rate was a little low.  An ultrasound confirmed the baby's lack of progress.  After the ultrasound on Thursday, there was a flurry of phone calls between the doctor, myself, the radiologist, and an obstetrician.  In the end it was decided that I was not going to be induced just yet.  This left me in a puddle of tears, not so much because I really wanted my baby induced that day but because of what it meant---my baby wasn't doing well and my doctor was leaving for another country in a couple of days right when everything got scary again.  Did I mention that at my doctor's appointment I also learned I would not be getting the back up doctor I wanted, but rather my last choice instead?

Fast forward many tears and a few days later, I met the new doctor.  She's alright.  She's nice, seems competent, looks/dresses like a nun, and has a crazy looking nurse.  After gorging myself on food all weekend (I was told to eat to my heart's content.  I took this to mean eat until you're uncomfortable), I gained some weight for the first time in a month or so and my blood pressure was back down to where it normally sits.  Even better news was that the baby grew and his heart rate improved.  He is still measuring behind, but at least he didn't fall further.  I had a nonstress test.  The baby is not a big mover and shaker and takes quite a bit to be woken up.  It took some convincing, but he finally cooperated.  I had my first biophysical profile ultrasound which was really reassuring because it showed that the cord is functioning properly and my fluid levels are still high.  It immediately reduced some of my fears and stress.

Unfortunately, some time in the last 24 hours the baby decided that after many months he no longer liked being head down and is now breech. Ugh.  I plan to do lots of downward facing dog in the next week. I may also give my acupuncturist a ring. I'd like to avoid doing an external version to flip him if possible.  If it's not one thing it's another. Geesh.

I am soooo close to being done and soooo tired of this pregnancy, or rather the stress this pregnancy has brought.  Despite this newest development I am focused on growing this baby and keeping him inside until my due date.  Fingers crossed. 

Family Portraits

St. John Parish is putting together a parish directory.  After lots of reminder emails, they get you in with the promise of a free family portrait.  Despite not really feeling like being uber-pregnant was the best time to do pictures, I did my duty and signed us up.

I tried to dress us in colors that sort of went together.  I let Linus pick his own outfit, although I wouldn't let him wear his black velvet jacket due to the fact that it was over 80 degrees (and it would have messed with the color scheme).  Considering the pictures were taken by the same people who do school pictures and yearbook photos, they aren't half bad.  Linus gave the poor photographer a run for her money.

We ended up buying a couple of pictures.  We have almost no pictures of the kids together so we had to take advantage of it.

Official family portrait for the St. John directory.

I look better in this one.

Linus is not without distinction.

Like I said, they aren't amazing but sometimes it's nice to just have a record of yourself as a family.  We'll do nice family pictures after the baby is born.

Never a dull moment in pregnancy

I'm now 36 weeks pregnant.  Woo-hoo.  Life has been pretty full recently.  My sister and her dog lived with us for 3.5 months and just moved out this past weekend.  We spent Labor Day weekend celebrating Dave's birthday and getting the house in order.  Finally being able to nest was wonderful.  We are now more or less ready.

After my doctor dropped the bombshell on me at my last appointment that he was going to be in France until right before my due date, I spent a few days in shock/frustration/tears.  I really hate confrontation, but I knew that I really needed to talk to him in order to be okay with things.  I put on my big girl panties and made an appointment to sit down and talk.  I wrote a nice long angry letter (which was very cathartic) and threw it away.  I went into the appointment with a few talking points to stay on track.  The talk went well.  He didn't rush me out, he listened, and we talked for a good 45 minutes.  It was important to me that he understood that there had been a breach of trust. I've had a pretty close doctor/patient relationship with him over the past 6 years so I am hoping things work out okay and I'm able to forgive him.  Right now I've told him I just need to see how the birth goes.

Things ended on good terms which was good because that night I woke up with contractions every three minutes.  After 3 solid hours of contractions (painful but not so intense) I went ahead and called since I was only 35 weeks.  The contractions eventually stopped, but it provided us with a nice dry run of how the actual birth might go.

As of right now, I don't technically have a doctor while mine is away.  The doctor we both agree would be a good choice has been on a vacation.  I do have someone now, who I feel very comfortable with, to cover the pediatric part of things should it be needed.  The downside to your family doctor being your OB and then taking off to France unexpectedly is that you are also out a pediatrician.  It's really hard to not know who is going to deliver your baby or who you are even going to schedule your OB appointments with.  After having so much happen during this pregnancy, it's hard to not have control over the one thing I thought I did.

Unfortunately, at the 36 week appointment there were concerns.  I recently stopped gaining weight/have lost weight despite the copious amounts of ice cream I consume daily.  My cute pregnant belly is actually measuring small.  Today I got to go in for an ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech and I became pretty tight during Eileen's pregnancy and I've gotten to see her a few times this pregnancy as well.  This is good because due to a scheduling snafu I was not on the schedule, but she saw it was me and made room :)  While my fluid levels are amazing, the baby is small.  His head is measuring on track but the rest of him is not. Since the baby is not dangerously small, we are in a wait and see mode right now.  I see my doctor on Tuesday.  Hopefully, the baby will do some growing.  I'll probably get to have another ultrasound.  Let me tell you, with this recent development I'm even less thrilled about being passed off to someone else.

My prenatal yoga class has been my saving grace this pregnancy.  With so much stress, having directed breathing every week for an hour and time to myself is incredibly helpful.  I've had the same instructor for all three kids.  Linus' pregnancy is legend in the yoga studio.

I'm looking forward to no longer being pregnant.  I'm trying to find ways to enjoy it since I don't think I am going to do it again.  I just have to pray that it's all going to work out and in a few short weeks I am going to have a healthy, precious baby boy in my arms.  In the meantime, God this pregnancy sucks.

From the Mouths of Babes in August

Eileen:  I will go for a run in my new running shoes.  I will run and catch Linus.
Me: Wow. How will you catch him?
Eileen:  I will say red light.

Eileen:  Daddy is that your shave stuff? (feeling Dave's scratchy morning face) 
 
Linus:  I have an idea for Halloween.  Lets be space.  I'll be an astronaut.  The baby will be an alien.  Eileen, you can be a planet.

Linus:  Mommy I have an idea.  You can give the baby my name and then you can rename me Calvin.  (He loves Calvin and Hobbes)

Eileen: (while at the grocery store) Can we get something yummy for me to eat like salad?

34 Weeks

As of yesterday I am 34 weeks pregnant.  I am relieved to have made it this far.  We survived a subchorionic hemorrhage and preterm labor.  I definitely feel very pregnant.  I am uncomfortable and exhausted.  The good news is I appear to be healthy.

I don't tend to do a lot of selfies.

At my check up today I had a nice low blood pressure, the baby was growing right on schedule, and his heart rate sounded good.  I've gained 26 pounds thus far.  I am right on track.  Great right?  The appointment was going swimmingly and then my doctor dropped a bombshell on me.  My doctor was gone for a two week vacation in July.  No big deal.  What he neglected to tell me until today is that he is actually going on another two week vacation starting about two weeks before my due date, returning one day before.  He will be in France.  Not just another city or state or country, another continent!!

I am none too pleased.  He tried to make it seem like it wasn't that big a deal.  My two previous babies were born 11 days late and 4 days late respectively.  I feel like I am in my own little version of "Knocked Up."  I take choosing doctors very seriously.  My ob is also my regular doctor and the kids' doctor.  I chose someone who I felt would support my birth choices.  Birth is a very intimate and personal experience.  I don't want to suddenly have to build a relationship with someone the last two weeks of my pregnancy, or worse, have someone I have never met deliver my baby.

After my appointment, I made it back to my car before bursting into tears.  During the drive home, I stopped by the french bakery and consumed multiple pastries.

I am so mad/frustrated right now and feeling a bit betrayed.  This pregnancy has been so stressful and not just due to health scares.  I have been just barely holding on at times.  Right now our home is not even ready for the baby.  One of things that has been getting me through is knowing that no mattered what happened, I had my birth team in place.  A carefully selected group of people who would be there to support the baby and me.  With that up in the air, I'm kind of crumbling.

Anyone who tries to tell me that everything is going to work out, that no matter what happens things will be fine, God's plan, etc, runs the risk of bodily harm right now.  This pregnant lady has earned the right to be upset.

I don't think any woman has prayed as hard as I am right now that a baby comes late.  I am pretty sure my doctor won't do a non-medically necessary cerclage so it is time to do some research on how to delay the onset of labor.

Reining in a Tyrant

Disclaimer:  I love my son.  I adore my son.  I think he is creative, funny, smart, witty, beautiful, loving.

That said my son is also incredibly stubborn, demanding, and ornery.  He is slowly morphing into a mini-tyrant.

Over the past few months, Linus has become increasingly exhausting/frustrating to be around.  There have been a lot of changes in our house and I know it's been hard on him.  Sometimes in the midst of a fit, you can see him trying so hard to gain control of himself and unable to do it.  However, his behavior has been getting more and more out of hand and we need to get a handle on it before the new baby comes, and a whole new set of chaos enters the house.  As a former middle school teacher, I also have lots of fears about who I don't want my children to become.  I need to nip his behavior in the bud now.

After a particular episode about two weeks ago involving mud, I sat down and wrote out a list of all the behaviors and occurrences I don't like:
talking back/growling
too much screen time
mud/excessive digging
speaking harshly to Eileen
hitting/pushing
tantrums
sense of entitlement
reading non-quality books
television--too much junk, not enough educational/tame shows
too much playing with neighbors

We often don't leave the house anymore because Linus refuses to cooperate. Everything has to be on his terms.  Some of these might seem like easy fixes that are totally within my control.  It's one of those things where due to pregnancy exhaustion tv time increased, he learned to play video games on the phone, and he figured out how to use a remote.  Dave and I didn't communicate enough about what I wanted/didn't want him watching.

I then made a list of what I wanted to see: fewer tantrums, respectful speaking, gentle hands, following backyard rules, playing with Eileen and willing to leave the house for activities, reading a combination of quality books and less quality, hard limit on screen time with more educational shows, compromise with less of the family bowing to Linus' desires, politeness and manners, listening and stopping the first time asked, and buckling himself in his carseat 100% of the time.

Making the list was very clarifying.  I read the book How to Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman for some concrete ideas. The book was helpful, especially his take on tantrums and talking back.  He also provides some very helpful insights for preteens so I'll definitely keep this book for future battles.  I disagreed with a few things, and his occasional Christian/religious stance that seemed to dismiss other religious/nonreligious beliefs.  He and his editors also seemed unaware of sexist comments or inferences.  I'm not a feminist by any means but they stood out to me.  Despite my annoyance with those parts, the book outlines clear, no nonsense tactics for all sorts of different issues.

Game Plan
We now have a game plan.  It will need some fine tuning but already we are seeing some positive changes.  I don't think what we are doing would work for everyone, but as a parent I am always interested to see what other people are doing.

First thing we did was give Linus some quality one on one time with each one of us.  With so many changes, he has just needed some special time with us.

Consequences:  time outs, loss of dirt play, loss of playtime with neighbors, loss of screen time, loss of toys.

Rewards:  screen time, staying up a little late, special treat (sweet, stickers from Michaels, etc)

The big game changer is how we are approaching screen time.  The hard part is it requires more of me, but it's worth it.  We are setting a hard limit of 2 hours.  He can earn screen time in 30 minute increments.
--complete 4-6 pages of his workbook (he hates practicing his letters but is also frustrated he can't write or spell yet
--quality play with Eileen for 20 minutes
--reading with an adult (either practice learning to read or reading quality books)
--completing his list of responsibilities.  He has a new chore/responsibility list of 5 things since he is almost 5.  Each morning he must: get himself dressed, brush his teeth, make his bed, clean up his room, and sweep/dust bust under the dining room table after breakfast.

Having these 4 requirements, each worth 30 minutes, has made huge difference.  It's altered the power struggle and given me more of what I want.  He also isn't just watching tv/playing video games for huge blocks of time.  It gets broken up as he is willing to complete requirements.  It's amazing how much being a monster correlates to screen time.

Another thing we are adding an allowance.  Linus seems to think we need to buy him stuff all the time.  Allowance will give him a better sense of money, but also let him feel in control.  We are giving him 50 cents per year/per week, so he gets $2 a week right now.  It's enough that he will eventually be able to save and buy the things that he wants and it won't take him years to do it. I envision his money mostly getting spent on Legos, but it will be his allowance that buys the snacks at the movies and stuff like that.   Once he gets the hang of it, we will introduce saving 10% each week.  I'm sure allowance will change as he gets older. Linus is pretty excited about the allowance.

Finally, Dave and I just need to be better about not giving extra chances for misbehavior, not allowing him to talk back to us, and not letting him be the one to dictate terms.  I know that having the school year routine and adding back an extra curricular activity is also going to be helpful even with the introduction of a new baby. 

Seabrook

We just got back from our vacation at Seabrook.  Since I'm very pregnant I decided it would be best if we stayed a little closer to home and had a slightly less adventurous vacation.  I've had to explain to Linus multiple times that we don't get to go to Hawaii or San Diego every year.  Luckily, the kids had such a good time they are already asking to go back to Seabrook next year.

It was an unexpectedly long trip to Seabrook.  The 3 hour drive took us about 7.5 hours.  This included decided to skip the horrible traffic along the I-5 corridor all the way to Olympia by taking the Bremerton ferry.  This added time but reduced the sitting in traffic aspect of the trip.  We stopped for ice cream in Belfair and then stopped again in Shelton for Linus to puke along the side of the road.   There was dinner and grocery shopping in Aberdeen.  It was such a relief to get to our beach house.

The weather for the first half of our vacation was about 15-20 degrees cooler than Seattle.  Great for the pregnant lady, not so great for a sunny beach vacation.  We took a walk along the trail to the beach to visit the Gnome Village.

Evil gnome

Can you see the ocean?  Isn't it beautiful and majestic?  Our attempt at kite flying was a failure.

Our favorite activities were swimming at the indoor pool, playing at the beach, and riding bikes.  We bought Eileen a little floaty and she was in heaven.  I had no idea how good a swimmer Linus is as long as he has a snorkel.  He could swim the length of the pool!  The pool is pretty sweet.  Indoors, relatively warm, and towels provided.

Our neighborhood is not ideal for riding bikes.  It was wonderful having so much space for the kids to safely ride.  Linus refused to try the bike with training wheels, but Eileen was more than happy to give it a whirl.

Eventually, the sun did come out and we could see the ocean.  Linus loved having free reign to dig holes.  The ocean misted over the sand.

Dave managed to eventually get a kite in the air for a moment.

Peaceful sand castle or the gates of Mordor?

After our first day at the beach, I found that my body couldn't handle the walk plus all the stairs.  Dave was kind enough to take the kids each afternoon while I laid on the couch and read books.

We spent one morning in Ocean Shores.  As a kid, I always pictured Oceans Shores to be this magical place.  In reality, it looks more like a slightly depressed beach town.  We had a great time though at the Pacific Paradise Family Fun Center. 

Linus channeled Happy Gilmore and took more of a hockey approach to golf.

Eileen "won" every hole by dropping the ball in.  Dave got lots of holes in one by banking the ball off Linus' shoe and letting him kick the ball in the hole.

Eileen loved mini golf.

We spent lots of quality time in the beach house.

playing games

hiding in secret forts

Beading.  Eileen became a pretty good little beader at family camp.

 The kids didn't take a bath until our last night--they had the ocean and swimming to get them clean.

beauty after bath

It was really great to get away for a little bit.  The house came with the most amazing couch.  Dave and I fell in love with it.  I don't know if we could make it work in our living room, but oh my God that couch was wonderful--could easily fit all four of us, two people could lie down, deep cushions, super comfy.  The drive home was significantly faster.  Linus puked again.  We were ready and he had a bucket.  We are now working under the theory that his body can no longer handle the combination of dairy and riding in cars.  He had several other puking incidents the other weekend with Dave, driving to and from their camping trip.  Now that vacation is over, it's time to look ahead to getting the kids ready for the school year to start and really getting ready for the baby to come.