From the Mouths of Babes in October

Linus:  I just love listening to the news.  (NPR)

Robin:  Bye bye Linus  (this is Robin's first two word sentence, spoken unprompted when Linus exited the tub)

Eileen:  I'll put the germs on it.  (offering to lick the envelopes closed)

Recently, this conversation has been occurring multiple times a day.  The subject changes, Eileen's response stays the same.  Topics include Curious George as a real person, the ability for kids to sleep with their eyes open, the unicorn she met and had a conversation with, etc.  These conversations drive Linus crazy.

Me:  No.  I don't think that is true.
Eileen:  Um. I read a book about it and it said (restates inaccurate information).  That means....

I love these kids so much.

I have a bad attitude about pumpkin patches

"Pumpkins round, cover ground
Vines twirl, children whirl
Cool breeze blows the leaves
Happy shouts are all about
Time to pick a pumpkin out!"
                 --Happy Halloween Curious George

I love fall, the crisp leaves, sweaters, the excuse to bake and crockpot, sip warm drinks, and be downright cozy.  It's also nice that my birthday happens around this time as well.  What I don't love is being cold, wet, muddy, no place to sit, and surrounded by crowds.  Crowds ruin the simplistic beauty and wonder that is fall.  Case in point: the pumpkin patch.

Visiting the pumpkin patch is supposed to be fun.  It never is. It is stressful and muddy and awkward.  Balancing the needs and desires of overly excited children adds to the difficulty.  Nothing says fun like convincing a young person to use a muddy honey bucket.

This weekend we went to the pumpkin patch after taking last year off.  We were supposed to be meeting our PEPs group, but somewhere along the way I messed up and got the day wrong.  I was feeling optimistic about the weather and didn't put rainboots on everyone or make Eileen wear a real coat.  Fatal mistake.  It was cold, breezy, and wet, and worse very crowded.  We found ourselves in overflow parking.

Despite my increasingly bad attitude and the anger of a toddler denied a very fast, dangerous slide, we did have some fun.  I ate a very yummy, warm, fresh apple cider donut.  The kids loved the corn bin.  Robin stayed close to the exit.  Eileen and Linus played together!!  They took turns burying one another.

I'm still finding kernels of corn around the house several days later, but it was totally worth it.  Even though we had paid for all the fun and exciting activities, including the corn maze, we ducked out after selecting our pumpkins.  We were cold, wet, and tired.  It was crowded.  We were done.

I know that farmers need to make money.  I applaud their efforts to make the selection of a pumpkin on par with a visit to farm meets amusement park.  I think if I'm going to visit a pumpkin patch again, it is going to need to be on a weekday.  I love letting my kids experience the simple life, just maybe not with several hundred other people at the same time.

We waited a couple days to carve pumpkins. Dave was working late so I put Robin to bed before beginning the process.  My kids refuse to have any part in the scooping out pumpkin guts part of the experience.  I let Linus design his own pumpkin, use a sharpie to draw it, and then handed him a carving tool.  He was so excited.  I was glad to have one less pumpkin to deal with. 

Eileen had talked for weeks about getting white pumpkin, also known as a ghost or cinderella pumpkin.  I was so relieved the patch had a few.  I was impressed and surprised when she chose an alien design.  Eileen was not ready to carve, but she was ready for more responsibility.  I handed her a puncture carving tool and then all of the Mr. Potato head pumpkin parts and gave her free rein.  She did awesome.

I free handed a third pumpkin.  Giving over control and allowing less than perfect pumpkins was not as hard as I thought it would be.  I guess it means I am growing as a person.  That or I am just getting lazier.

Three Little Pumpkins sitting on a counter.

 

I realize I've become a bit curmudgeonly in my old age regarding fun and pumpkins.  I promise I won't just get a plug-in jack-o-lantern.  It is cool to know that if I can just convince the kids to touch pumpkin guts, I can recuse myself from pumpkin carving. I can see it now--me in a cozy sweater and slippers, sipping a pumpkin spice latte, the sound of rain outside, just watching as children labor away at carving pumpkins purchased at the local grocery store. Ahhhh.

Positive Discipline in Action

I love my kids.  They are awesome.  I can wax poetically for hours about each child and how wonderful they are and why you should be in awe of them.  That said, they are not little snowflakes and they are most definitely not perfect angels.

Parenting is hard.  Scratch that.  Parenting is an exercise in crushing defeat, levied by moments of sweetness so lovely you willingly resign yourself to yet another day and another defeat.  I've posted before about my attempts to help my children not become evil dictators, to attempt to instill empathy or simply rein in my little napoleons.  For the most part I'm pleased to say that I've experienced a lot of success with these.  The kids still have to earn their screen time.  We still use the term "filling your bucket."  This does not mean that my children are finally perfect.  In fact, since this summer life with the two big kids has been incredibly trying.

Unable to go one more day feeling like our whole family was being held captive by a wee tyrant or two,  I dug into my teacher tool box and decided to go the route of positive discipline.

Step 1:  I started using time-out differently with the kids, and more like how I did it with middle schoolers (since middle schoolers really are just big toddlers).  Instead of taking the one minute per year of life, it moved to "you are in time-out until you feel ready to join the group in a positive way."  Sometimes timeout is about 15 seconds, sometimes it's 15 minutes.  The kids like that they have control over their punishment.  Sometimes they just send themselves to their room, get distracted, and then re-emerge refreshed from their time away from the group.

Step 2:  Institute a behavior chart for positive behavior.  Dave and I spent a good long time designing one for Linus.  We did not want to use food as a motivator.  Rewards had to be attainable within a reasonable amount of time for a first grader.  As he worked toward the big reward, there needed to be the possibility of a daily reward to keep him motivated.  I used a manila folder to contain the behavior chart and tracking calendar (which I just printed off the computer).  I use the very hi-tech method of drawing in little stars with a pen or pencil.  We tried to frame each part of the checklist using positive statements versus don't do this and don't do that.

He really likes the idea of a trophy, so we included that as a possibility as well.  A trophy for good behavior?  Sure.  Why not?

He didn't earn the big reward the first month, but the promise of a thirty minute later bedtime kept his behavior relatively in check.  He earned his big reward in September.  He eventually decided he just wanted $150 cash (this might seem like a lot for a little kid but the idea was he could buy a big lego set and seriously, the behavior was that bad).  Linus wanted big bills, a $100 bill and a $50 bill.  He then surprised us by deciding that instead of spending it, he would like to open his own bank account.  He is very excited to have a bank card with his name on it.

Given the success of the behavior chart for Linus, we decided to try one for Eileen.  Eileen is not a morning person.  Every morning is a series of tears and meltdowns.  She refuses to be in any room alone (including the bathroom) or do anything without assistance.  The evenings can be similar, but she takes things to a new level in the morning.  The results being lots of screaming, yelling, and stress for everyone as we try to get out the door to school.  Sometimes it feels like Eileen is rarely able to speak without whining.  We tailored her behavior chart to fit the desired results.

Eileen has been using a star chart for two days now.  It has been glorious.  The sense of calm that preceded school this morning was wonderful.  Even better was how nicely the kids all played together after school, or watched a show together before bed.  They even shared a couch without bothering each other!!!

Of course things aren't perfect.  Kids will make mistakes, act out, and be jerks sometimes.  It will take nothing short of a miracle for Linus to earn the big reward this month.  I'm hoping the idea of having the same bedtime as his little sister if he doesn't have a two star day can act as a motivator.  The force of will is strong with this one.  I predict many more years of difficulties.

I'm not sharing this because I want everyone to see what an amazing mother I am.  I wanted to share because I like to be a resource for other parents.  It's one thing to read a book or article on positive discipline.  It's another thing to actually try and implement it.  I always worry that my blog makes me look like I have a picture perfect life, full of cute kids with wonderful imaginations.  Those kids do exist, they just need behavior charts to help them remember how to act like civilized human beings.

36 Never Looked So Good, Felt So Good

Happy Birthday to me!  It's taken me 36 years, but I am finally beginning to feel at peace with myself.

No make up, no shower.  It's okay that I'm wearing yoga pants because I plan to workout later. It's okay anyways because it's my birthday and I can wear what I want.

I'm in just about the best shape of my life.  I have a wonderful husband, awesome kids, and a lovely home.  I've learned to embrace my quirks and feel comfortable in my own skin.  I've embraced my domestic side.  Over the past year, I've rediscovered a love for teaching after getting seriously burned out and questioning whether I made a mistake pursuing teaching as a career.  I've slowly been finding ways to take time for myself--gym time at the Y, lunch/dinner/coffee dates once a month with friends, book club, and occasional pedicures.  Sometimes all it takes is a little coffee and chocolate.  After taking a leap of faith and moving, we found an amazing school community.  Life isn't perfect, but it is definitely good.  Now that I am creeping toward being "over the hill" it is about time I start to enjoy it.

I celebrated my birthday by running away to Omaha, Nebraska.  I desperately needed a break from the demands of being "Mama."  My friend, Heather, lives in the middle of nowhere Nebraska.  Now that there are direct flights to Omaha, it doesn't seem quite as burdensome to get there.  I hate flying.  I am not a good flier.  Any slight amount of turbulence causes a flurry of "Hail Marys" to spew from my mouth until the sky calms.  Tears and vomiting on flights are no strangers to me.  Anyways, I miss my friend and couldn't think of a better way to relax than spend it with Heather.

The weekend started out promising. I got a massage at the airport and had time for a nap at the hotel before Heather arrived.  We went to the movies and had girly cocktails.  And then we woke up Saturday morning.  Heather didn't feel well.  This turned into Heather barely making it back to the hotel before becoming violently ill.  Needless to say, I spent Saturday wandering around the Old Market while Heather alternated between puking and sleeping.  Some people would be mad about the change in plans, but I tried to just enjoy the fact that I was responsible to no one but myself.  I got a lovely pedicure.  Instead of indulging in the hotel hot tub, we hung out in our jammies and watched two Lifetime movies and lots of Law and Order (SVU and Original).

I missed my babies terribly and I was so glad to see them.  We had already decided to celebrate my birthday a day early due to things like cub scouts and karate.  When I came home I saw they had hung balloons everywhere and there was a bouquet of flowers with a special balloon picked out by Eileen.  One of my favorite things about parenting is seeing what kids come up on their own when it comes to presents and celebrating.  I felt very loved.

I spent today, my actual birthday doing regular "mama" things.  I took the kids to school (but made them get hot lunch so I didn't have to make lunches), went grocery shopping with Robin, did several loads of laundry, folded laundry, picked up books at the library, and claimed my free drink at Starbucks.  Later I plan to get in a  workout during karate and then indulge in some cheesecake and wine once the kids are in bed.

I needed a break this weekend.--to sleep, to be accountable to no one, to just breathe, to watch Lifetime movies guilt free.  I feel so refreshed.  I think I need to do this yearly, although I don't know that Omaha will be my destination  of choice.  A hotel in Seattle sounds just dandy.  I've already given Dave permission to take a weekend.  He sounded ready after the past three days.  

Being 36 never felt so good.

Robin at 2

This handsome boy is two years old.  I can't believe how much he has grown and changed over the past 12 months.  One year ago we saw Robin make his first move toward crawling.  Now he is walking, even sort of running haphazardly.

Robin just had his two year well child visit as well as a check up with his neurodevelopmentalist.

Here are the stats:
Height: 31.7 inches  4.43%         Weight: 25 lbs  14.72%    Head:  19 in   51%

So the good news is Robin is growing, just not as much as we would like.   There has been some discrepancies among his measurements between departments.  His neuro doctor had some concerns about lack of growth and wants a MRI.  She is now talking to the endocrinologist.  Originally, the endocrinologist had decided to hold off on an MRI when Robin passed his second growth hormone test after failing the first.  The plan right now is to wait until his next appointment with endocrinology.  If things still seem amiss, then I think the plan is to go ahead and do an MRI.

Robin is really catching up with his peers.  He still lags a bit behind with things like kicking a ball, jumping, and making two word sentences.  A special educator recommended he start daycare on a regular basis to help him with some of his social skills.  I found the most wonderful mom from our school to watch him at her in-home daycare.  The arrangement could not be better.

Robin is his own person. He is completely different from his siblings and yet complements them perfectly.  He is full of kisses and smacks his lips when he wants to give or receive them.  He adores Eileen and they are becoming the best of friends.

Loves: legos, the library, building pillow forts and caves, and then hanging out in them;  books by Mo Willem, especially Elephant and Piggie or the Pigeon books (he can find them on any bookshelf in any library or store); baking with Mama; swings, wagon rides, and playing outside.  His favorite game is an advanced version of peek a boo that involves hiding behind a couch and then attacking.  Don't ask him for a high five, he only gives fist bumps.

Robin is my little helper.  He is very good at cleaning.  He is more than happy to pick up toys, clean up spills, clears his place, and puts him bib away.  Robin loves to do the dishes.  He knows how to empty the dishwasher.  If he catches me loading dishes, he runs to the sink, gets out soap, puts the soap in the dispenser, closes the dispenser, closes the dishwasher, and runs the load.  He is almost as good at running laundry.

Dave took some pics of Robin recently.

 This boy exudes joy.  Only the coldest of hearts could not be warmed by him.  I'm so lucky to be his mama.

Happy Birthday Robin!

  My baby turned 2 yesterday!  My baby is not a baby anymore.  Thanks to the magic of Facebook, Dave got a pop up reminder of newborn baby Robin.  I can't stop looking at it.  I can remember the touch of his skin so vividly. Those deep soulful eyes. He was so tiny I was afraid I would break him. The way everything in the house felt different once he joined our family. Robin turning two has definitely made me mourn the fact that there will probably be no more little babies.  

Luckily, having three kids gives you little time to wallow in your sorrows.  We had a big boy to celebrate.  We started the day baking his birthday cake.  Robin loves to bake and cook with me.  Since it was his birthday cake, I didn't make him share the stirring with Linus and Eileen.  They were not happy about that at all.  As soon as the cakes came out of the oven, we jumped in the car for a trip to Children's Hospital (after spending the previous evening in the ER with Linus) so that Robin could have his checkup with neuro-developmental.  Little known fact, if you are at Children's on your birthday, they will give you a giant bag full of really nice presents.  It will be waiting for you when you enter the exam room.  Linus has already asked if he can go to the hospital on his birthday too.

After our visit, we went to one of Robin's favorite places--the library.  Then it was home for lunch and a nap.  While the birthday boy napped, his siblings and I broke out all the Halloween decorations, hung streamers for his birthday, and frosted the cake.

In the evening, my parents and younger siblings joined us for dinner, presents, and cake.  Robin's favorite food right now besides ice cream is probably Pediasure.  I thought it would be weird to serve that for dinner for a bunch of adults so instead Dave picked up some pizzas from Costco.

Robin doesn't quite understand the process of opening presents.  While his siblings were chomping at the bit, he could have cared less.  My family was so thoughtful and it made me happy to see how well they knew my child.  Sally even got him some brownie mix and gingerbread mix to go with a cute little apron so he could have something to bake.

Who needs presents when you can look at your sister's Fancy Nancy book?

Robin's eyes lit up when it was time for cake.  He was trying to sing along.  It was so cute.  Linus informed Uncle Tim that this cake was made with meanness, not kindness.  9 hours later, he is still mad about not getting to stir the cake batter.

 Perhaps the most special part of the whole day happened at dinner.  Recently Robin has been identifying people by pointing at them and introducing me as his mama by tapping my leg.  He has never said his own name.  After identifying all the members of his immediate family, he patted his chest and said, "Robin."  My jaw dropped.  We all cheered.  It was absolutely magical and I am so glad so many people were there to witness it.

Eileen and Linus were more than happy to show Robin how to play with his new presents, especially his castle duplos.

Happy Birthday Robin bird.  We love you.  FYI.  Your cake tastes delicious the day after.

Stitches are cool, but glory is forever!

This morning was crazy.  Eileen was a hot mess.  She is most mornings, but today she took it to a new level. I hoped it would not be an omen for the day.  Robin and I dropped the kids off at school and headed to Starbucks before baby dance class.  I had a pumpkin spice latte and suddenly everything seemed like it was going to be okay.

After a wonderful dance class, Robin passed out asleep and transferred to the crib.  This allowed me to clean the whole house, including mopping, wash the kids' bedding, make phone calls, send emails, handle other business, and even watch the new episode of SVU.  I wondered how this day could get any better.

Fatal move.  The phone rang.  It was school.  They were calling to tell me to come get Linus.  He had fallen on the playground while playing flyers and cut his chin.  It looked like he might need stitches.  Robin and I headed out the door.  When I arrived, Eileen was sitting up at the front office desk, making Linus a card.  I called the doctor, wondering what I was supposed to do.  Is the possibility of stitches something you bring a kid to the doctor for or is it an ER thing?  It was new parenting territory for me.  After some consulting, they sent me to the ER of my choice.  Linus chose Children's.

It was a good choice.  There is a Starbucks in the ER waiting room and a plethora of movie viewing options in the patient rooms.  This doesn't make having 3 tired kids in a small room by myself easy, just more bearable.  Linus is not an easy patient.  After the decision of stitches, many people were required to hold him down at different points--just me for numbing cream,  3 people for the sedation,  3 people for lidocaine and stitches.  The sedation left Linus awake, but calmed some of his anxiety.  He kicked less, but that didn't stop him from struggling, saying they were killing him, or calling the nurses stupid, begging for help and to be allowed to tell his mama something very important.  In total, Linus received 3 stitches.

The sedation left Linus loopy.  Minutes after the procedure, he asked when he was getting stitches.  He had no recollection of the last several hours.  He didn't remember falling.  In fact he didn't know his own name.  Noah? Fia? Tommy?  He was very cordial (and groggy) offering both Eileen and I tastes of his popsicle. We needed a wheelchair to get him in the car.  Linus passed out during the ride home.

Dave moved a very floppy Linus to the couch.  We let him sleep for a while and woke him to feed him the Happy Meal we promised him and put him to bed.

It's been a long, long, loooonnnng day.  Luckily, I'm pretty sure it's nothing some chocolate and glass of wine can't fix.